My Growing Activist Nihilism

The image you see here is the design of a bumper sticker I just ordered to put on my car. I’m also getting a t-shirt with the same design on it.

The message is an invitation: Deport me, because this is not the country I grew up in.

There are a huge number of things an activist can say in this particular moment. There are lots of clever slogans, and important issues to deliver messages about.

This message best represents both the issue that feels at the center of everything that’s going wrong with America and the sincere feeling at the core of my response to that.

The cruelty of Donald Trump centers around nationalism, the idea that the purity of national identity is more important than anything else. Trump is willing to sacrifice the ideals of American democracy in order to temporarily protect the territorial absolutism of the American national identity.

In response, I feel disgust for the United States of America. It is revolting to me that half of American voters chose fascism over freedom.

So, I don’t feel like I belong here anymore.

I have all the privileges of being an American citizen, but I don’t identify with what the American nation stands for anymore.

My belief in American idealism has been completely shattered. My trust that the Constitution and the rule of law will be honored has been annihilated.

To be an American for me is to live in betrayal. Even if we can defeat Donald Trump, and remove all his fascist underlings from their positions of power, I will never again believe that the USA can be relied upon to stand against totalitarianism.

I’ve seen too many Americans who feel a nasty thrill at the idea of an authoritarian government that uses its power against the people they don’t like.

So, in my activism, I am not hopeful.

I don’t have confidence that the fascists can be defeated. I have too much experience with the small minds and small hearts of Americans to think that this is going to end well. I don’t believe what Woody Guthrie sang: “All you fascists, bound to lose.”

My goal is, given the disintegration of national values, to hold true to my individual values. I want to stand for non-violence, and for the liberties that were once guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States of America.

I don’t feel at home in America. It doesn’t feel good to live in the USA.

I’m not proud to say it, but the day-to-day ugliness of the fascists is making my attachment to life wear thin. So, in my activism, I don’t want to leave anything behind.

I don’t want to fight, because I don’t want to be like the fascists, but I don’t want to play it safe, either.

I would rather be destroyed than to live in silence, watching the fascists flaunt their hatred day after day.

I don’t want to be an American any longer.

So yes, deport me.

This is not my country.

I don’t belong here, and I’m tired of putting a brave face about what is happening in America.